Ageless Passions by Karen Putz

Tag: teens

  • You Were Born to Stand Out

    “Mom, can I write all over the wall in my bedroom?”

    My daughter, Lauren, came up with this idea of writing inspirational quotes and pieces from her favorite songs all over her bedroom wall.  After a short discussion, I told her to go for it.  I forgot to consult the hubby on this one.  He was a little taken back when he first stepped in her room and found her writing on the wall, (Do you know how hard it is to paint over permanent marker!!) but after reading some of the inspirations, he agreed it was a good thing.

    Lauren didn’t do the project by herself, she invited others to share their bits of inspiration too.  So of course, my favorite quote went up on the wall.  The kids know it well, I’ve been preaching it to them for several  years now:

    “Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out.”

    — From the movie, “What a Girl Wants.”

    From the time that I first lost my hearing in elementary school, I tried hard to fit in, blend in, and fly under the radar.  I became the Queen of Bluffing— learning how to laugh at the right moment and nod along in conversation– without understanding a thing. I developed elaborate strategies to get through the school day.  “I was spacing out, what’s the homework?” I’d ask the student next to me.  In English class, the teacher had us read paragraphs from a book– I’d count the number of students ahead of me, watch each of them like hawk to see where they finished each paragraph and then when it was my turn, I knew where to start reading.  If there was a discussion, I made sure to chime in with my opinion first, because I couldn’t follow the conversation and I didn’t want to say something that was already said.

    That’s why I always say that going deaf was a blessing. That was the process of learning to accept myself and embrace myself.  That’s when I stopped trying so hard to fit in, and began to celebrate standing out.  God gives each one of us unique gifts and a journey that is like no other, so why would we want to live someone else’s life?

    When my own kids started sporting hearing aids, we picked some “stand out” colors so that there was no mistaking the ornaments perched in their ears.  Lauren and I picked out matching earmolds one year– pink glitter for her and blue glitter for me.  And to my surprise, even after all my efforts of getting my kids comfortable with being deaf and hard of hearing, they still went through their own journey of wanting to fit in, blend in and fly under the radar.  The wild colors were replaced with plain, clear earmolds.  Hair grew over their ears.  I had to learn to back off as a mom and let them experience that.  Soon enough, they became comfortable again in standing out.

    Our kids were born with a different ability, as Lee Woodruff says in her book, Perfectly Imperfect.

    And we should celebrate that difference. But you’ve got to get into a place where you’re really comfortable being deaf/hard of hearing before you can celebrate that difference.  And therein lies the challenge– getting folks comfortable in their own skin.  I think back to my elementary and teen years– I spent way too much time trying to be a poor imitation of a person who could hear instead of the best “me” I could be.    At a recent closing plenary, I shared my journey and the “You were born to stand out,” quote.

    One parent came up to me afterwards.  “I’ve been telling my kid how ‘normal’ he is and that he’s just like everyone else.  He’s miserable being ‘different’ and wants desperately to fit in with others. I’m going home today with your message– and I’m going to celebrate him instead!”

  • Officially a Mom of Three Teenagers

    Today’s a big day.  This is the day that Steven turns thirteen.

    It’s official.  I’m a mom of three teenagers.

    How did the time go by so fast?  I can remember his birth as if it was just yesterday…

    When I was pregnant with Steven, I had the brilliant idea of ripping out our bathtub and putting in a large soaking tub so that I could labor comfortably in it.  Joe went along with it.  It was only a few hundred dollars for the tub and we figured we could do most of the work ourselves.  Never mind that it involved removing half of our double sink and putting a toilet in that space.  Such a simple job, we thought.

    The work was moving along slowly.  Joe framed the bathtub and we hired a plumber to do all the pipe work.  A friend helped tear down the tile and we hired someone else to tile up the side of the tub and walls just days before the birth.    When the midwife and naturopath arrived, Joe was working on the floor.

    I was a bundle of nerves and I couldn’t quite get settled that week.  I had no doubts about doing a homebirth, but there was an unease inside of me, a lot of it had to do with concerns that I didn’t recognize until much later after the birth.  Someone had advised me to pray to St. Therese for this birth and I learned that this saint answers prayers with “a shower of roses.”   As we got ready to take a walk that evening, the midwife casually mentioned that she received a beautiful bouquet of red roses from a mom who had homebirthed with her.

    I knew that was my sign.  From that point on, I was enveloped with an amazing, calm feeling.  I simply focused on each breath and dove into the hypno-birthing from that point on.   During the pushing, I was using Christie Lake as a focal point in my mind.  At one point, the naturopath was applying fundal pressure and I saw a sparkle of blue lights.  It was as if I was floating on the lake on a beautiful summer day and the lake was twinkling in the sun.  I recently learned that it’s a sign of Mother Mary being present.   There definitely was some divine intervention for Steven’s birth, because I was given Cytotec at the beginning–which can cause ruptures and is very unsafe for VBACs.   I did not know this at that time.  I later wrote an article about the dangers of Cytotec which was published in Midwifery Today and DON’T CUT ME AGAIN! True Stories About Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC).

    The day that Steven entered this world was an amazing one and I do have lots of good memories of his birth.  Despite the medical aspect, the midwife and naturopath tended to me well.  They sang, they cooked, they did laundry, they soothed and they supported me.  If I could do it all over again, without a doubt, I would have homebirthed all three kids.  I was fortunate to attend several births since then, including a home waterbirth and a winter solstice birth.

    So here I am, thirteen years later with a house full of teenagers.  You know all those horror stories that everyone has about teens?  Hogwash.  The teen years are the best years.

    “Mom?  Can I go to Buffalo Wild Wings with my friends?  I need some money.”

    “Sure, honey.  I’ll give you fifteen bucks.  But first, mop the kitchen floor, clean the upstairs bathroom and do a load of laundry.  Then you can go.”

    Happy Birthday, Steven Michael!