How many times have you held back because you feared something?
I’ve been pondering “fears” lately. Recently, I received a comment from a reader who is hard of hearing and struggling with anxiety– “Social groups are almost impossible at times,” she relates. She has agreed to teach a weaving class in her community and is scared that she will have trouble getting through it with the communication challenges ahead of her.
Boy, oh boy, can I relate. Social situations, parties, group discussions– they used to strike fear inside of me and sometimes, they still do. Communication in those situations becomes a rapid-fire ping-pong game– sometimes so fast that the ball is just a blur and you get nothing out of the game.
I emailed the reader and this is what I shared with her:
I can understand being scared about teaching the weaving class but let me tell you– you can do this! At the beginning of the first class, be honest about your hearing loss and explain to the class what you need to make communication happen– that everyone has to face you when talking, to speak a bit slower and that if they need to get your attention– to raise their hand before they speak, etc. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to do this but the rewards are great– students will adjust and you’ll have better access to communication and be able to share your skills with less anxiety about trying to follow everyone. Communication is a two-way street but you have to teach others what you need to make that happen.
In another email I shared:
It’s ok to be nervous, just don’t let it prevent you from moving forward. Face your fear head on. My daughter sent me this picture at a time when I was dealing with some fears so I’m passing it on to you:
Lauren sent me that photo during Women’s Barefoot Week at the World Barefoot Center. She had no idea how timely that photo was. I’ll have to back up a bit to explain. In March, when I first went down to Lake Conine to learn how to barefoot again, one of the questions that I asked Keith St. Onge was, “Are there alligators in this lake?”
Yup, that’s right. I’m not too fond of alligators. In fact, they downright scare the daylights out of me. As long as they’re far away with a fence between me and their sharp teeth, I’m good. When Lauren was in Girl Scouts, she came home with a picture of her holding a baby alligator. I was very glad that I wasn’t there, or I would have had visions of the taped mouth coming undone and my little girl devored on the spot. One year, Joe and I took the kids to an alligator attraction and I was happy when we finally left.
Keith’s response to my question was simply, “Yes, but they don’t bother us. The boat engine scares them away.” I wanted to barefoot more than I was scared of the marine life, so off I went into the water.
Then in the middle of Women’s week, I was sitting in the water after a barefoot run, waiting for the boat to come back and pick me up. The boat was taking forever to idle back to me. I turned around and stared into the open jaws of an alligator coming to attack me in the water…
And then I woke up.
That’s right, I had a nice little alligator nightmare. I couldn’t fall back asleep for a long time after that. The next morning, we did a photo shoot on the water. I was sitting in the second boat, waiting for my turn on the water. One of the gals pointed out an alligator swimming by. The other boat began coming closer and the alligator disappeared. I tried to put the image out of my mind, because I knew I had to get in the water.
Come on, Karen, nothing’s going to happen.
Well, what if I’m the first person to get attacked on this lake?
Don’t be silly, the alligators are scared of boats, they’ll stay away.
All too soon, it was my turn to get in the water and my legs were shaky. I fell on my first attempt to get up and I tried to tumble around to get back up and finally let go. David Small was driving and he asked me if I was nervous about the photo shoot. I could only shrug– I wasn’t about to explain my silly alligator fears at that moment.
Later that morning, I told Keith about the alligator nightmare and he grinned at me. “Face your fears!” he told me.
“I face my fears every time I get in the water,” I grumbled at him. But he was right–when you face your fears, you move beyond them.
But that night, I had another alligator nightmare. This time, I was watching the alligator swimming closer to me and I tried to yell at everyone in the boat. They were talking and laughing and too far away by the time the alligator chomped on me. And then I woke up.
Good grief.
Lauren’s photo came that day. “Decide That You Want It More Than You Fear It.” I laughed when I saw the photo– laughed at how uncanny the universe is in delivering nuggets of wisdom into our lives. She had no idea about the fears I was juggling that week– she simply saw the quote on someone’s Facebook status and decided to turn it into an inspirational picture.
So the next time you face something that scares you or fears that hold you back from something you want to do, decide that you want it more than you fear it. The next time I jump into Lake Conine, I’m not going to give alligators a second thought.
