Ageless Passions by Karen Putz

Category: Inspirational Stuff

  • The Most Valuable Lesson I Learned From My Oldest Child

    kids young

    My oldest kiddo, David, was often on “hurricane cycle” when he was young. He would bounce from one activity to the next (like his Mom??) and leave a path of destruction in his wake. I once put the baby down for a nap and left David and Lauren parked in front of the TV so I could quickly go to the bathroom. When I came out, I found the two of them drawing wavy lines on the kitchen wall. In a matter of seconds, David had grabbed some crayons off the counter and coerced his sister into coloring the wall. The artwork stayed on the wall for over a year–because neither the hubby nor I could muster up enough energy to paint over the crayon.

    One evening, David was a Category Five on the hurricane scale and my patience was long gone. David and Lauren were fighting over toys and neither of them would sit on the couch long enough for me to breastfeed the baby. Steven was colicky and wouldn’t stop crying. I was tense, crabby, and just plain tired. I was just trying to survive long enough until the hubby arrived home so I could hand off the kid duties to him.

    Joe walked in with a smile that soon disappeared from his face as he surveyed the toys strewn everywhere, the lunch dishes still on the table, and the once-folded laundry now overturned on the floor.

    “Bad day?”

    I shot him a look.

    “Why don’t you go take a bath and relax,” he suggested. “I’ll watch the kids.”

    After a hurried dinner, I filled the bathtub up and went to grab towels from the other bathroom. As I walked back in, my eyes caught something floating in the bathtub and David standing near the tub.

    “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

    I dropped the towel and scooped out the brand new book that I was so looking forward to reading. With a heavy sigh, I sat on the toilet and tried to dry off the book.

    I started to cry. It was all just too much. Mothering three kids just two years apart in age had finally taken its toll and everything came crashing down on me at that moment. The tears poured out. Just then, David came over, climbed in my lap and started hugging me. He gave me a kiss.

    “I love you Mommy.” He hugged me again.

    My eyes went back to the book and I saw the title more clearly.

    “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.”

      
    I started to laugh.

    Alternating between tears and laughter, I smiled at the irony of the whole thing.

    It is now years later– the little boy has grown into a young man who graduated from college and is living on his own. I still have the book with the warped pages stuck together. It’s a reminder of that hectic time of three kids under the age of four–when I thought the day would never end and I’d never have a minute to myself. Today, two of the kids have moved out and the youngest one is about to graduate. How quickly the time flies.

    Don’t sweat the small stuff.

    Life goes by in an instant. The little stuff that you unintentionally blow up into big stuff will likely not matter years from now. Pick your battles carefully. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

    And remember to laugh in the process.

  • Turn Your Struggles, Dislikes, and Adversities Into Gifts

    karen back one foot

    I have size 9 double wide feet.

    For many years while growing up, I hated my feet. I dreaded going shoe shopping as nothing ever fit. I always had to “break in” shoes. This meant enduring a painful fit until the leather finally (hopefully!) loosened up. High heels were a nightmare because the wide fit usually meant my heels would swim in the back. I learned to shuffle along in heels–not a graceful site at formal events.

    When I first returned to barefooting, one of the World Champs took one look at my feet and said, “Those aren’t feet–those are flippers!”

    At first, the old feelings of embarrassment began to creep up, but then I thought, wait a minute, that’s an ASSET in this sport!

    The other World Champ later told me, “Your feet are good for backwards barefooting.”

    He was right. I’m much more comfortable barefooting backwards on one foot than going forwards. For many barefoot skiers, it’s the other way around.

    I’m sharing this to challenge you to reframe your struggles, dislikes, and adversities into gifts.

    How can you reframe something to see it in a positive way? Look for the blessing. Change your story. Create new thoughts around your challenges.

    Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

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    Bless someone with a card from YOU: www.cardsanywhere.com

  • Sunsets, Synchronicity, and Beaches

    Image-1

    The graffiti threw us for a loop as we drove closer and closer to our hotel on Venice Beach. Joe and I expressed some apprehension about the area. I had picked the Venice Beach Suites out of the blue–the ratings were good, the price was reasonable, and the hotel was on a beach known for great sunsets.  For our 25th anniversary, we wanted to watch a sunset on the beach. From a quick look around, we discovered it was also known for a “high” lifestyle.  We debated whether to move to a hotel in Santa Monica. After some discussion, we decided to stay.

    “There must be a reason why we ended up here,” I said.

    Why in the world had my intuition lead me to pick this hotel? I had reviewed several hotels, received recommendations for Santa Monica hotels from friends–and here we were–in an area more suited for the casual, freewheeling lifestyle.

    “It’s getting late,” Joe said. “Let’s make the best of it.”

    The 100-year old hotel was charming. The staff was friendly and welcoming. After we unloaded our luggage, we took off to explore the ocean walk. The energy was high (pun intended, as it truly was high, based on the marihuana we smelled here and there.) and color and movement were everywhere. A young man came bounding up, complimented me on how “fine” I looked and attempted to sell me a CD. The sun was beginning to lower, so Joe and I grabbed some beach chairs from the hotel and took off to watch the sunset.

    It was beautiful.

    Image-1 (1)

    Just as the last of the light began to fade, a man walked up to us.

    “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but I saw you taking pictures and I don’t have my phone with me. I wonder if you could send me some?”

    We were happy to share the photos. Francis was a psychotherapist from Boston. He was out visiting friends. Spirituality, theology, and yoga came up in conversation. We told him we were celebrating our upcoming 25th anniversary.

    When we arrived back at the hotel, we returned the beach chairs and struck up a conversation with Matt, the hotel manager. He gave us some history and showed us pictures of the renovation. Just as we were about to head up to our room, a woman breezed in. As she put down her luggage, I spied a bright blue bag with the words, “I Can Do It.”

    “Were you at the Wayne Dyer event in Pasadena Friday night?” I asked.

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    “I was! I think I saw you there!” she said.

    Beverly came from London to attend the weekend event to explore her purpose and future. It was the perfect time for her, as she was no longer working and she was seeking clarity and meaning for her next step. We laughed at the synchronicity that brought us all to the same place. After all, what are the chances of three people among 3000 attendees ending up at the same hotel miles away from the event, at the exact same moment, with one arriving and the other leaving?

    Wayne Dyer talks about moments of synchronicity in his new book, which is part memoir, “I Can See Clearly Now:”

    “If it excites you, the very presence of that inner excitement is all the evidence you need to remind you that you’re aligned with your true essence. When you are following your bliss, you are most amenable to receiving guidance from the spiritual realm. This is called synchronicity a state in which you almost feel as if you are in a collaborative arrangement with fate.”

    When we arrived back into our room, a text from Francis popped up. As I read his text, suddenly all the dots of the journey connected. He sent us a beautiful poem about marriage:

    A Blessing For Marriage

    As spring unfolds the dream of the earth,

    May you bring each other’s hearts to birth.

    As the ocean finds calm in view of land,

    May you love the gaze of each other’s mind.

    As the wind arises free and wild,

    May nothing negative control your lives.

    As kindly as moonlight might search the dark,

    So gentle may you be when light grows scarce.

    As surprised as the silence that music opens,

    May your words for each other be touched with reverence.

    As warmly as the air draws in the light,

    May you welcome each other’s every gift.

    As elegant as dream absorbing the night,

    May sleep find you clear of anger and hurt.

    As twilight harvests all the day’s color,

    May love bring you home to each other.

    – John O’Donohue

    Every day, I’m learning to trust God on this journey of life and to believe that each step of the path is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

    sailboat in sunset on venice beach

  • My Three Words to Live By in 2014

    It’s that time of the year when everyone starts out with new goals, new intentions, and new resolutions.  For me, what carries me through the year are three words to live by. I adopted this process after taking Chris Brogan’s Brave New Year course (affiliate).  Here’s Chris’ story of how he started this process and his three words for 2014: Chris Brogan: My Three Words for 2014.

    Last year’s words for me were Passion, Joy, and Imagine.  I definitely lived each one of those words in different capacities and I shared them with others as well.  All throughout the year, I continually reflected on the words and kept them front and center.  Mike Davenport, whom I met through the Brave New Year course, created a photo to keep me on course every day:

    imagine joy passion created by Mike Davenport

    This year, my three words are:

     

    Abundance

    Abundance is often associated with wealth, but that’s not my intention for this word.  Abundance is a profusion, a great plenty, an overflowing quantity.  When I have abundance in my life, my heart is overflowing with love, joy, and gratitude.  It is that state of mind that I want to carry with me throughout 2014.

    Focus

    I’m scatter-brained.  Anything and everything gets my attention.  One minute I will be talking to someone and wham-bam–my mind will wander off.  And oh look, there’s a squirrel!  No wait, it’s an alligator! Did I tell you how much I detest those reptiles?  Oh by the way, before I forget, I need to interview you for my next book. Oh, I’m sorry… what were you saying?

    Yeah, 2014 is the year of focus.  Laser-sharp focus on the moment at hand.  Laser-sharp focus on the conversations and connections.  Staying on track with my business, my work, my writing, and my relationships with others.

    Passion

    I love this word so much I had to include it again for 2014.  Everything I do centers around passion.  In fact, I’m so passionate about the word that I help others unwrap their passions through my coaching sessions.  I’m keeping this word front and center all year.  Whenever I’m deep into my passions or helping others, the whole world just lights up. Every time I choose in favor of passion, I cross paths with some really amazing people.  I want to keep that going.

    my three words 2014

    How about you? What three words will you choose to guide you throughout 2014?

  • Neutral is a Shade of Color, Not an Organization

    Hands & Voices gathering

    Eons and eons ago, Leeanne Seaver, the then Director of Hands & Voices issued me a challenge: start up the Illinois chapter of Hands & Voices.

    I hesitated. I had just completed four years with the team from West Suburban Association of the Deaf, growing it from a tiny deaf club with 44 members into a 501c3 non-profit– one of the few which still exist today.  I had three little kids two years apart in age and I worked part-time at the local community college. Did I really want to take on the challenge of starting another non-profit, this time from scratch?

    I didn’t hesitate for long, and here’s why: because every single day, I believe in the mission and the purpose of Hands & Voices:

    Hands & Voices is dedicated to supporting families with children who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing without a bias around communication modes or methodology. We’re a parent-driven, non-profit organization providing families with the resources, networks, and information they need to improve communication access and educational outcomes for their children. Our outreach activities, parent/professional collaboration, and advocacy efforts are focused on enabling Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing children to reach their highest potential.

    Starting up the non-profit organization sure wasn’t easy, but it sure was worth it– and it happened because a team of parents, professionals and deaf and hard of hearing adults believed in the mission as well. Today, Illinois Hands & Voices has expanded under the leadership of two more presidents and includes a state-wide Guide By Your Side program.

    As the years went on, Hands & Voices grew from four chapters and expanded worldwide. There clearly was a need for support without bias for parents of deaf and hard of hearing children on the parenting journey.  Every now and then, I will cross paths with someone who feels Hands & Voices is:

    • Not neutral
    • Not balanced enough
    • Not without bias
    • More “hands” than voices
    • More “voices” than hands

    Before I go any further, I invite you to read Hands & Voices, Supporting Families Without Bias by Leeanne Seaver. This document goes into great detail about the Hands & Voices approach to supporting families.

    In the early days of running the organization, I was often thrown into one camp or another based on someone’s judgment of my communication experience, my personal choices for my children or the communication methods used. To me, that judgement represented everything that Hands & Voices is not. When I look at the families, professionals and deaf/hard of hearing adults involved with Hands & Voices, I see caring individuals who have a heart for children and their futures and I feel really blessed to have crossed paths with so many of them.  At any given time, Hands & Voices is whoever is a part of the organization.  Families and individuals are not the sum of their communication experience and we don’t identify our Hands & Voices organization merely by those choices. We do our best to include everyone who wants to be a part of the movement of providing support without bias to families. Whenever we stumble along the process, we try harder yet again.

    The bottom line is to support families along the journey of raising deaf and hard of hearing children. We all have the same goal in mind: well-adjusted, successful kids.

    As for being “neutral,” to me, that’s a color, not an organization. What I love seeing instead is an organization that is passionate, vibrant and colorful– an organization which is made up of amazing, diverse families, professionals, and individuals who celebrate the many different ways there are of being Deaf/deaf and hard of hearing.

    Now that’s Hands & Voices. And I invite you to be a part of it.

    Hands & Voices who do you stand for

     

  • Giving Away a Signed Copy of ‘Aspire’ by Kevin Hall

    One of my treasured books is Aspire, Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words, by Kevin Hall.  Kevin and I connected last summer when he reached out on Facebook and we struck up a conversation about barefoot water skiing.  I read his book last August and Aspire instantly became one of several books that I recommended to just about anyone I talked to.

    Aspire, Are You Living Your Life’s Purpose?

    “Dive in with all your heart, follow your bliss, and people will appear to help you with what you want most,” Kevin wrote in an email.  And that’s exactly what I did in the year after I read Aspire.  And just as Kevin said, people began appearing to help me achieve new things.  For instance, I wanted to barefoot every month of 2011.  A crazy idea, actually. I certainly wasn’t sure how that was going to happen, especially since I’m from Chicago– where the lakes are frozen a couple months out of the year.  But as of this month, I have barefoot water skied 11 months out of the year.  Just last Saturday, I barefooted in Wisconsin for the Freeze4Life fundraiser. I only missed one month, in April.  You can read more here:  Following Your Bliss (printed in the Chicago Tribune TribLocal, June 2011.)

    Kevin kindly sent me several copies of his book for family members and one copy for me to give away to my readers. Winner will be randomly chosen.  To enter, leave a comment (comments will be closed Friday, December 9 at midnight CST) that shares your thoughts on the following paragraph from Aspire:

    “The first thing I do when I’m coaching someone who aspires to stretch, grow and go higher in life is to have that person select the one word that best describes him or her.”

    Artist. Wordsmith. Communicator. Peacekeeper. Perfectionist. Manager. Organizer. Leader. Connecter. Director. Musician.

    “There are no restrictions other than it must be only one word, and the ultimate decision is up to you,” he writes.

    What is your word?

    Leave a comment and share your word, and you may soon hold a copy of Aspire in your hands.

     

    Update:  The new owner of a signed copy of Aspire is Angela Botz from Illinois who was number 13 in the comments!

     

     

  • You Were Born to Stand Out

    “Mom, can I write all over the wall in my bedroom?”

    My daughter, Lauren, came up with this idea of writing inspirational quotes and pieces from her favorite songs all over her bedroom wall.  After a short discussion, I told her to go for it.  I forgot to consult the hubby on this one.  He was a little taken back when he first stepped in her room and found her writing on the wall, (Do you know how hard it is to paint over permanent marker!!) but after reading some of the inspirations, he agreed it was a good thing.

    Lauren didn’t do the project by herself, she invited others to share their bits of inspiration too.  So of course, my favorite quote went up on the wall.  The kids know it well, I’ve been preaching it to them for several  years now:

    “Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out.”

    — From the movie, “What a Girl Wants.”

    From the time that I first lost my hearing in elementary school, I tried hard to fit in, blend in, and fly under the radar.  I became the Queen of Bluffing— learning how to laugh at the right moment and nod along in conversation– without understanding a thing. I developed elaborate strategies to get through the school day.  “I was spacing out, what’s the homework?” I’d ask the student next to me.  In English class, the teacher had us read paragraphs from a book– I’d count the number of students ahead of me, watch each of them like hawk to see where they finished each paragraph and then when it was my turn, I knew where to start reading.  If there was a discussion, I made sure to chime in with my opinion first, because I couldn’t follow the conversation and I didn’t want to say something that was already said.

    That’s why I always say that going deaf was a blessing. That was the process of learning to accept myself and embrace myself.  That’s when I stopped trying so hard to fit in, and began to celebrate standing out.  God gives each one of us unique gifts and a journey that is like no other, so why would we want to live someone else’s life?

    When my own kids started sporting hearing aids, we picked some “stand out” colors so that there was no mistaking the ornaments perched in their ears.  Lauren and I picked out matching earmolds one year– pink glitter for her and blue glitter for me.  And to my surprise, even after all my efforts of getting my kids comfortable with being deaf and hard of hearing, they still went through their own journey of wanting to fit in, blend in and fly under the radar.  The wild colors were replaced with plain, clear earmolds.  Hair grew over their ears.  I had to learn to back off as a mom and let them experience that.  Soon enough, they became comfortable again in standing out.

    Our kids were born with a different ability, as Lee Woodruff says in her book, Perfectly Imperfect.

    And we should celebrate that difference. But you’ve got to get into a place where you’re really comfortable being deaf/hard of hearing before you can celebrate that difference.  And therein lies the challenge– getting folks comfortable in their own skin.  I think back to my elementary and teen years– I spent way too much time trying to be a poor imitation of a person who could hear instead of the best “me” I could be.    At a recent closing plenary, I shared my journey and the “You were born to stand out,” quote.

    One parent came up to me afterwards.  “I’ve been telling my kid how ‘normal’ he is and that he’s just like everyone else.  He’s miserable being ‘different’ and wants desperately to fit in with others. I’m going home today with your message– and I’m going to celebrate him instead!”

  • Wanting to Be Hearing

    So, before we get into today’s post, go mosey on over to Bad Words and read Tulpen’s post:  Either Way.  Then come on back over and let’s talk.

    Tulpen’s son, Owen, told his mom, “Don’t want to be Deaf. Want to be Hearing.”

    I can relate.  That’s pretty much how I felt– from the time I first began losing my hearing in elementary school until I became deaf.  I can remember being able to hear–I would crawl into bed and listen to my dad tell me the story of Scamp and Tiny– two dogs that went on adventures all over town.  I can also remember the day that I stopped crawling into bed– I could no longer understand what my dad was saying in the dark.  I had become sick with a high fever for nearly a week and shortly after that, I had the “hard of hearing” label tacked on.  I was never able to use the phone after that.  The words that entered my brain were pretty much scrambled and I resorted to lipreading.

    I hated the hearing aid.  Hated the daily struggle to access communication.  I often wished that I had normal hearing.   I held back on life, thinking that “if only I had normal hearing I would do this.”  Or that.

    In elementary school, the kids on the bus teased me, sometimes mercilessly.  I kept my eyes straight ahead or I sometimes buried myself in a book on the rides home.  My best friend, Pattie, defended me on the bus.  Twelve years ago, I received a letter out of the blue from one of my tormenters, asking forgiveness.  He had become a born-again Christian and the teasing had weighed heavily on him over the years.

    I had long ago forgiven, I just didn’t know it.  The forgiveness came from the journey to acceptance– in the form of a severe whack on the head when I tripped on a wake while barefoot water skiing.  I was nineteen.  I could no longer hear anything without a hearing aid perched in my ears.  But it turned out to be the very best thing to happen to me.  I finally, after years and years of battling, finally accepted the whole me.  I embraced the new journey and my world filled up with new deaf and hard of hearing friends and American Sign Language became a part of life.  As for me– I was deaf– and it was okay.

    Then one by one, my kids started collecting audiograms.  David was nearly three, Lauren was four, and Steven was two– and then we started killing more trees and collecting IEP paperwork.  And like Owen, each one of my kids has had their days when they wished they had hearing in the normal range.  And when they expressed that, my heart always did a little blip.  More often than not, it was a cycle– a season in their life– where they became more self-aware, or they matured, or a struggle of some kind would trigger it.  The rest of the time, all was well–they would settle back into being comfortable and happy with life again.

    And it might surprise some of  you to know that I even have moments of self-pity when I wish I could hear.  I had one of those moments while sitting at a banquet after a tournament this summer– and tears started to fall.  My friend Sharon was my interpreter that night and I told her what I was feeling.  I was reflecting over the whole summer of tournaments. “I wish I could hear the announcements, the conversations that flow around me, the jokes that get told on the boat– I miss out on all that stuff.  And sometimes I can’t lipread some of the folks I meet…” I whined.  Yes, I whined.

    We are human. In moments of humaness (is that even a word?) all of us wish for something else.  Thinner, taller, younger, smarter, richer–whatever it is, that darn grass is always greener somewhere else.  But ultimately, we have to cultivate that little patch of green we’re standing on.  We have to bloom where we are planted. Corny–yes–but it’s something I live by.

    Oh, and those announcements that I wished I could hear? Well, at one of the tournaments, another barefooter said to me,  “You’re lucky you can’t hear Dave (the announcer) — he goes on and on and on– sometimes I wish I could turn my ears off.”

    The grass is always greener…

     

  • Driving the Midwest in a Traverse

    The gleaming blue Chevy Traverse was delivered Friday morning, thanks to Connie Burke from Driving the Midwest.  George Schuch, the driver who dropped off the car, went over all the bells and whistles of the vehicle.  I was more fascinated by George, who sported a pair of hearing aids and told me about his love for his job, driving cars all over the Midwest for manufacturers.  “The best part of my job is getting to meet people like you and traveling all over,” said George. “And I get to drive some really nice cars, like a Rolls Royce!”  When I told my husband about George, he was jealous.  “I’d love a job like that– getting to drive cars all day long.”

    At first, I was a little worried about being able to load stuff for seven people for a week-long trip down to Waco, Texas, but everything fit into the Traverse.  My wetsuit, heater and barefoot shorts fit into the cargo space in the back.  I was especially proud of my daughter, Lauren, who initially packed a large bag stuffed to the hilt; and then pared everything down into one tiny bag.  For a girl who likes her clothes, she gamely agreed to go light all week.

    The seven of us piled in– the hubby, the kids, my friend Sharon and her son, Nicky.  Without a doubt, the most valuable accessory in the Traverse was the full outlet.  We ran our laptop, Game Boys, and phones during the nine hour drive.  The Traverse was equipped with two sunroofs, but with the heat bearing down at over 100 degrees as we neared Missouri, the black out shades were a welcome relief.  When the rain hit, we enjoyed the view:

     

    We drove 538 miles to Joplin, Missouri and settled for the night at the Marriott Residence Inn.  We kicked back with dinner at the pool and relaxed in the hot tub. In Joplin, folks are still recovering from the devastation caused by the tornado.   Lauren connected with one of the residents, who is still living at the Residence Inn as her home is being rebuilt.

    We’re piling in the Traverse once again this morning, for another 500+ miles to Waco.  Onward!

     

     

  • Karen Putz Barefooting on Growing Bolder TV

    Bill Shafer and cameraman, Jason Morrow from Growing Bolder TV did a great job capturing the story of how I met Judy Myers and Keith St. Onge at the World Barefoot Center.  You can see my very first, sort-of-official backward barefoot start (with no shoes!)– but don’t blink, or you’ll miss me keeling right over two seconds later.

    Find more inspiring video, audio, and images at Growing Bolder.

    Filming at the World Barefoot Center

    Karen Putz on Growing Bolder