“My son has some issues with being hard of hearing,” a mom recently shared with me. I glanced at her son. He seemed ill at ease.
I nodded.
And I understood.
Because you see, I was in that kid’s shoes many years ago. I grew up hard of hearing and when I received a hearing aid at the age of nine, I rebelled. I didn’t want anything to do with it. Frankly, I didn’t need it. I was fine, thankyouverymuch.
I wore it during school hours, partly because I was told that I had to and partly because it made things louder, not necessarily clearer–but louder. I was embarassed about that hearing aid. I hated it. I hid it. That piece of plastic reminded me that I was different from my peers. That I stood out. So I did my best to blend in. I wore my hair down. I smiled and nodded and laughed along with jokes and conversations that I either caught snippets of or had no clue at all what was being said. When confronted with the idea that I was hard of hearing, I responded with, “Oh, sometimes I can’t hear what you say.” Never mind that I was lipreading to comprehend conversation, as I had little ability to understand words via auditory means alone.
So I understood where that mom was coming from, and I understood that feeling of being uncomfortable. I wrote about Embracing the Identity of Being Deaf or Hard of Hearing previously. Ironically, just this weekend, I came across two articles that talk about learning to accept being hard of hearing:
From Mail Online/Disability Alert, Liz Jones shares her experience of finally labeling her hearing loss and coming to terms with it:
I received some bad news two weeks ago. After years of refusing to accept I had a problem with my hearing, I finally decided to go to a clinic and find out the worst, which is that I have, at best, 30 per cent hearing in each ear.
It was weird, hearing (if that’s the right word) that I am officially disabled or impaired.
But I suppose I can at last tell people I am hard of hearing – which hopefully they will understand and make allowances for – rather than doing what I have been doing up until now, which is to try to appear normal.
This has only made people – friends, colleagues on the phone, shop assistants and so on – think I am merely mad, rude or eccentric.
I first noticed I had a problem at school. I could barely follow what the teachers were saying, although they never seemed to notice.
I avoided parties and school discos because I could never join in the conversation. I would just stand there looking awkward.
Over at the Dallas News, Jeanna Mead shares her experience of “coming out of the closet” about being hard of hearing:
This is a hard column to write – I have to let go of years, decades, of hiding my hearing loss, and now I am about to “come out of the closet,” so to speak. I am hearing-impaired, practically deaf – but that is only part of the story.
That is not who I am; I define myself by so many other things, and way, way, way down on the bottom of the list is “hearing impaired.”
I lost my hearing when I was 4, which explains why my speech is so good, but I have to give credit where credit is due; my Mema worked tirelessly to coach me to speak correctly, holding my hand to her throat while repeating words over and over until I could say them the right way.
It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized there were hearing people in this world who could not pronounce Mexia, Rowlett, Louisiana, Tawakoni or even “congratulations.”
Getting comfortable being deaf and hard of hearing is often a journey and over at Tania Says, Tania Karas shares a life-changing day that occured when she stepped into a deaf classroom for the first time:
Hale has a pretty big deaf program, spanning from preschool until 8th grade. The students have a wide range of hearing loss. All use sign, but all use their voices as well. The classrooms are unbelievably deaf-friendly; there is one teacher for every 3-4 students, a combination of sign and speech, resource and speech pathology teachers, and a whole bunch of kids who just understood each other. I had never seen a deaf classroom before, so this was all like a dream world to me. Communication just flowed so seamlessly, much unlike the constant confusion I have encountered all my life in mainstream/”hearing” classrooms.
But what got me the most was that these kids were happy. They had crazy-colored ear molds and bright cochlear implants on display for the whole world to see. The philosophy behind the instruction at Hale was to take pride in one’s deafness. The students’ hearing loss was just a small part of their vibrant personalities – when I saw them in class, I didn’t think “deaf kids,” I thought “happy kids.” And I kinda wanted to be like them.
And that’s what I wish for every deaf and hard of hearing child or adult– to become so comfortable with being deaf or hard of hearing that you’re happy as well.
Comments
21 responses to “Are You Comfortable Being Deaf/Hard of Hearing?”
Nice post.
I got my first hearing-aid when I was three. It was a memorable day of of my hearing parents & aunts & uncles talking around the kitchen table and a feeling of “big things are happening.”
Mainstreamed in a public elementary school, I did not welcome the experience of being “different.” I did my best to hide my hearing loss and began refusing to wear it by the second grade. In sixth grade, my parents insisted I wear it to school…and I began to appreciate it its’ usefulness.
Now an adult, it has taken me a long time to realize that a hearing-aid can not bridge the gap between myself and the hearing world. There are so many small sounds I do not hear and micro-ways the hearing communicate..that I do not catch. Such as the intake of breath someone takes before speaking. I am constantly interrupting people as them begin speaking! It’s awkward and frustrating.
I am comfortable with being hearing impaired/Deaf. I wear a bright blue hearing aid now and I do not care if anyone sees it. It is part of who I am.
However, I am not comfortable communicating with hearing people..although I have more hearing people in my Life than Deaf.
Being hard of hearing is such a grey area…that it I believe it is harder for for hearing people to actually attribute communication difficulties to a lack of hearing. They think if you have a hearing aid, you’ll hear perfectly.
Eileen Fosters last blog post..Web Access Centre
It was discovered that I was hard of hearing in first grade. I got my first hearing aid and fm system that year. I hated being different, and I really didn’t make many friends. Finally in fourth grade, another hard of hearing girl and I were in the same class and we are still good friends to this day. In high school I was the ultimate outcast because I had an interpeter with me at every class so everyone who didn’t have a class with me thought I was mute, even though I took choir! I was the only deaf/hoh girl in the entire school district by that time.
I didn’t ever really accept the fact that I was deaf and my hearing wasn’t going to come back until college when I lost my hearing aid for a good semester in college, at least I was at Gallaudet, where everyone there speaks ASL and there was no need for me to get a new one for 5 months.
I love being deaf/hoh. I wouldn’t change who I am for anything. I was blessed with parents who allowed me to learn ASL, and realized that I went as far as I can go with speech classes. They also realized that when it came down to getting the implant, that I should make the decision for myself, and not have it forced upon me.
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Karen, how nice to read these stories. I went through a similar experience to yours as a kid, so I too can relate to well when someone shares with me like your mom friend shared with you. As I told you when we had lunch, I had a hard time feeling like I was in-between, that I didn’t fit in with the hearing folks or the deaf folks. I didn’t know anyone who was “just” hard of hearing like I was. So I learned some ASL to talk a little to the deaf folks and tried my best to keep up with the conversations of the hearing crowd. It sucks as a kid to feel like you don’t fit in. It still sucks when you’re an adult. 🙂 I wish that same comfort and happiness on others as you do. It can be so hard to get there…. Great post.
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I’m so glad you wrote this. I felt bad about my hearing loss for such a long time, then I learned to turn it around into something positive. I’ve been successful in a lot of ways. I realized I should be proud of what I’ve done in spite of the daily challenges of life with hearing loss. I coulda done worse. 🙂 When you’re young, though, you don’t have that perspective of having accomplished many goals. I remember that feeling of questioning what I would be able to do with a hearing loss, what guy would want a girl with hearing aids. It was definitely hard on my self-esteem when I was young. At that time there was no ADA either. There was a stigma to wearing glasses and hearing aids were so much worse. It didn’t help that my own mother was embarrassed to admit to friends and family that I couldn’t hear– as if I’d committed a crime by losing my hearing. It’s amazing how much a parent’s approval and positive attitude can affect children, even adult children. I love seeing young kids with their brightly colored earmolds and aids. I think bluetooth technology has done a lot for the “look”. While there’s still a stigma, I think have become more open to accessibility and diverstiy issues.
Huh. I look at my daughter and it is all so different. She is mainstreamed with a CI and an FM system. She also had an interpreter for several years. It was so positive. All the kids started learning sign by watching the interpreter. When my daughter got an implant processor that lights up she was the coolest kid in class. She wears her hair in lots of different styles without regard for her coil on her head. And she is a popular kid with lots of friends.
I think a big difference is the attitude of the school administrators. It also helps that we never tried to hide it or make her feel bad for being different. We are very blessed.
K.L.s last blog post..ASL Classes and Bilateral implants
Thank you for this post, Karen. After two years with a hearing aid, I am still learning to get comfortable with this new identity – one I did not choose for myself – as someone who is experiencing hearing loss. It seems as though the hearing people in my life are struggling with being comfortable with my loss too.
Sarah
Speakuplibrarians last blog post..Amazing Race 13: Episode Two
@ Eileen
There’s always time to change! 🙂 You can practice some assertion techniques that will help you get access to what is being communicated. For example, instead of just asking someone to repeat, tell them what you understood and ask them to fill in from there.
Another tip– when I go out to eat with two friends, I have both of them sit together on one side of a booth so I can lipread them both.
And I do the same thing at times, interrupt at the wrong time. I just say, “sorry, go ahead” and let them talk. 🙂
@Joscasta,
You were fortunate to meet another hard of hearing friend. I met my hard of hearing friend Shawn in high school, and we still keep in touch.
@Amy Derby
Amy, you might like the book, “On the Fence” by Mark Drolsbaugh. I’m biased though, as I contributed a chapter to that book. 🙂
@Kim
@K.L.
I agree, I think we have a lot more awareness today. Plus, when parents are positive and open about it from the time a kid is really young, that goes a long way as well.
All three of my kids are far more comfortable than I ever was– I’ve tried to instill a sense of pride in them about being deaf/hard of hearing. They’ve got friends who are deaf, hard of hearing and hearing and communicate in a variety of ways.
Sarah,
Experiencing hearing loss later in life is a unique challenge. Just as you’ve had to adjust, people who know you have to learn new ways of interacting with you. There’s a great book out there called “I’ve Lost My What???” You might like that book.
Thanks, Karen. I’m going to read both the books you recommended: “On the Fence” and “I’ve Lost My What???”.
Sarahs last blog post..Amazing Race 13: Episode Two
I am working on getting better at talking about my hearing issues.
I am so happy to have found your blog
Kristens last blog post..Hearing and the world
I lost a good amount of the hearing in one ear due to otosclerosis. I get by for the most part with lots of “I’m Sorry’s” and smiling, especially when I am at a noisy gathering. It takes some getting used to and creates some embarrassing moments. There will probably come a day when I need to do something about it, but in the meantime, I’m doing ok, at least I think so…
Nice Site : ) Very inspiring work that you do!
This was like a flashback to my past! I could have written your first paragraph as my own personal experience. I grew up thinking I was a hearing person with a hearing problem. I would pray every night for God to “make” me hear again as I hated being different.
Today I’m almost 50 (yikes) and over the past 10 years or so I have taken the step into the deaf world and learned ASL. I now have a foot in both worlds but I much prefer the deaf world due to ease of communication. I can now say I am comfortable with who I am and can now understand why God never “fixed” me… there was never anything wrong with me in the first place!
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Good post! I wear hearing aid all my life (23+ years). I never been so shame to wear it. Once a while when people look at me with my hearing aid that irrtatied me because I feel like when they look at my hearing aid, they think “oh boy, you have hearing aid. That’s mean you really have problem with hearing.” Etc. However, I decided to ignore and let them to see it because it doesn’t bother me at all. Thanks for sharing with us!
When I read articles and blog posts like this, a famous song pops into my head: “It Isn’t Easy Being Green,” performed by Kermit the frog. It’s a song about identity, individuality, difference, and acceptance. (You can read the lyrics here: http://bussongs.com/songs/it_isnt_easy_being_green.php) It may not have been easy for Kermit to be green back then, but it has undoubtedly become much easier for Kermit today.
As for me, I was born with profound hearing loss and have worn hearing aids since I was a baby. I was mainstreamed in school and was never shy about my hearing aids. However, I was very much an outcast for most of my school years. It was hard to make friends, and I always found it difficult to communicate with my classmates during lunch at the cafeteria. But I decided very early on to accept my limits and do the best I could under the circumstances.
I speak only for myself when I say this: Being profoundly hard-of-hearing isn’t easy, but the passage of time has made things easier. As I got older, I grew more comfortable with my limits. It helps to have a support system (parents, family, etc.) to instill confidence and encouragement. It also helps that society has grown accustomed to using email and texting to communicate.
Being a kid isn’t easy, even if you can hear perfectly. We all have our issues. It’s how we deal with it that counts. Whatever issues we may have, it need not define who we are as individuals. Kermit’s green; it’s part of his identity; but it’s not *the* defining feature of who he is. Through song, Kermit knows that he is much more than just being green. So it is for people who are deaf and hearing impaired. Maybe all children should listen to Kermit’s song at least once a year and write a paper about it. Who knows? Maybe that will effect social change for the better.
Matthew, thanks for sharing. I have a feeling that song is going to be sticking in my head from now on. 🙂
I have to say that the growing use of email and text as the norm has been one of the biggest influences– my kids text with everyone from their school. I look back and think, wow, if I had social media and the ‘net back in high school… I wouldn’t have had to wait for my Dad to come home and call my boyfriends!
🙂
I have been hard of hearing for as long as I can remember and had to have a speach therapist to help with my lisp. I grew up reading lips and tried to make a joke of what i heard and what it sounded like they said. For many years it seemed to go over well with my true friends and family . In the last year after loosing my hearing aid that I finally recieved in college I ran into trouble. My husband has gotten frustrated with me and thinks I don’t listen to him. My in-laws don’t understand my hearing loss and I realize that people were laughing at me and not with me. These people actually think I am stupid. If I have a cold or allergies my iner ears fill with fluid and the words I could normally hear become muffled and you know what that means, what, what did you say? Anyways enough with me know there is an issue of my youngest son’s hearing. His hearing is so bad that he hears only high tones in one ear and only low tones in the other. They thought he just had a speach disorder when he was little and they didn’t find his haering loss until 1st grade. On top of his hearing loss he has some learning disabilities. I am know fighting the school district tring to get them to place him in another school and possibly class with someone who also has a hearing loss. He keeps lossing his aids so he can fit in and when he does have them he takes them out, He makes every excuse not to wear them. I went to hi IEP today tring to place him in a special day class and they even went so fare as to say his hearing is fine and that he hears us. What do they know they are not the doctor who checks his ears every year to make sure his hearing hasn’t changed. He hates being in school because the kids bully him yet the staff sease that he is a sweet boy. I argued with the staff in the meeting because they tested him by age when it is not his grade level sense he is a year youger than his class mates. He is 9 in fourth grade becuse of an October birthday and that would make him behind in his studies. They tried putting him in an extended day program that made things worse because when he got home he still had all the homework he would have normally. Last year they were getting modified homework from a younger class. This year they are throwing fourth grade work at him and he can’t grasp the concept. i pulled him out of the extended day and put him in a homework club but they couldn’t help him with the work. He finally just started coming home at the regular time. the last couple of years they have sent him to a special day class summer school and he would come home happy saying he could do it. The school keep throwing it back at me that it would be a disservice to send him to special day because he would feel stupid. I am trieng to find a sollution so if you have any ideas please comment. Thanks.
of the extended day and put him in a homework club but they couldn’t help him with the work. He finally just started coming home at the regular time. the last couple of years they have sent him to a special day class summer school and he would come home happy saying he could do it. The school keep throwing it back at me that it would be a disservice to send him to special day because he would feel stupid. I am trieng