It has been a long, cold, drawn-out spring in Chicago, so when a beautiful, warm day arrived, I decided to run walk on the prairie path in Naperville. I didn’t get very far with running– there was a heaviness inside that I couldn’t shake. I slowed to a walk and soaked in the beauty around me. I tried to figure out why I was feeling so weighed down. I recognized that heaviness– it was the familiar feeling of stress. So many changes had occurred in such a short time. The countless trips to Michigan and the loss of my dad. The change from full time employment to part time. The additional projects I had taken on.
Out of nowhere, I started to cry. At first, I didn’t even know why I was crying. I was thankful for sunglasses and the mostly deserted path. I struggled to sort out the jumble of thoughts that were racing through my mind. The one that stood out was this: I missed my dad. I hadn’t slowed down enough in the last several weeks to allow myself to feel the loss.
A bird landed right in front of the path I was walking. When I saw the bird, I started to laugh. It was a red-winged blackbird. Because you see, up in Michigan, we had a red-winged blackbird that used to dive toward Dad’s head whenever he was out in the yard near the shore. And in all of my years in Illinois, I had never noticed a red-winged blackbird around me.
I dried the tears and started to run again.
Comments
6 responses to “Grief Out of Nowhere”
Oh Karen what a beautiful symbol to be given x
That grief out of nowhere can knock you for six… don’t forget to give yourself a bit of time as well as keeping on running 😉
Joanna, thanks for your comment. It was definitely comforting!
Ah, hugs Karen. As Joanna said, take time to take care of yourself – and allow yourself to feel what you feel when you feel it. And find comfort in knowing your Dad is still with you in other ways.
Karen,
I like the brevity of this piece. You didn’t over-analyze things and somehow that make the appearance of the red-winged blackbird even stronger. Grief is a powerful emotion, I know because I’m dealing with it, too. Hang in there and keep writing!
Velya
What a beautiful post! Living in Michigan, I see red winged blackbirds everywhere. I love how you made it symbolic but sweet. Sorry for your loss; going through grief is okay though. It’s allowed! 🙂
Hi Karen,
I found your site via Conor’s Song and I just wanted to say that your father is smiling down on because you carry on with life in spite of your challenges I have Cerebral Palsy and you are even an inspiration to me 🙂